I’ve spent nearly a fortnight trying to write a deep, thought-provoking post but each time it’s ended in disaster. We’re talking tears, tantrums and threats of violence. You know, the usual. There’s none of this positivity nonsense left that people claim I possess. To be honest, I don’t think I’ve ever really been positive – just quite good at convincing other people things are better than they are. What else is there to do? Nobody wants to hear the truth because it’s complicated and honestly, I don’t want to list all my problems to every random stranger who asks how things are going.
Since I’m not ready to attempt humour, profundity or well anything, I’m just gonna make a l.ist of things that piss me off. We could be here a while…
- People who stop dead in the middle of the pavement, like properly in the middle where there’s no room to go round either side.
- People who step back into your path without looking then have a go for bumping their ankles because it’s obviously my fault they’re ignorant twonks.
- People who decide I’m not able to speak for myself just because I’m rarely alone.
- People who are always going running and bragging about how fantastic it makes them feel. Insensitive gits.
- People who walk and moan about how tired they are. Don’t they even appreciate their mobility?
- People who get in the car to drive thirty metres to the corner shop. I have hills and the kerb of doom on my journey to the shop but Laurence and I always walk ‘n’ roll.
- Basically all people.
- Certain social workers who decide medical evidence defending our care needs is ‘just another opinion’.
- Being a slave to my computer because it’s the only way to do a lot of banking and shopping until it freezes and randomly shuts down for hours on end.
- Being called brave and an inspiration. Just no.
- Adjusting my liquid intake based on minimising my toilet trips.
- Wearing stretchy, elasticated, mostly unfashionable clothes that \re easy to pull on and off one handed.
I hate a lot of things about life that I just haven’t got the energy to mention. Maybe I might even write a list of things I quite like one day but I wouldn’t hold your breath.